Today is the 4th anniversary of the start of my attempt to lose 200 pounds. Should I feel like I've failed? I sorta feel like I have. I've kept off over 100 pounds but I'm still recovering from the last year's set back. I tell myself, "It took you two decades to put all that weight on, it might take you a few years to get it all off." but I really feel like I should have achieved it by now.
Then there was today. Cupcake day. I spent all afternoon and evening making jumbo sized cupcakes with sprinkles and boxing them up to be distributed tomorrow at school as an invitation for my daughter's sweet 16. I found myself surrounded by a sea of cupcakes with swirls of homemade buttercream frosting and didn't feel that tempted. I'm not saying I didn't eat any of it. Let's not get crazy here.
I estimate that I ate the equivalent of two thirds of one cupcake, light on the buttercream. Given that I worked out today and had a big salad for lunch, whole grain toast with peanut butter and a protein shake for breakfast and a handful of whole grain crackers, walnuts and an apple for dinner, I'm not that worried.
Yeah, I could have drank more water. I could always drink more water. It would be easier if it tasted like chocolate milk.
What prevented me from eating mindlessly through the day was...my mind. I felt more aware of what I was doing and more importantly I was conscious of what it would take to rectify a day spent eating yellow cake and frosting, both in terms of miles on the treadmill and how I would feel about myself if I let the cupcakes win.
Every day is cupcake day. At the office someone brings in birthday cake or there is a potluck. I am always surrounded by celebrations, going out with friends, holidays, vending machines, fast food, pizza parties, candy dishes and whatever is in the fridge at 11pm. I am faced with temptation all the time. Most of us are. It still comes down to choices. I can live with the ones I made today.
Somedays I'm as tough as a soap bubble but today I was stronger than 99 1/3 cupcakes. Maybe I haven't failed. Maybe I'm just still learning.
Happy anniversary to me.
You are an amazing person, Pamela.
ReplyDeleteThe last office I worked at, for the sake of budget and our waste lines, we went from bringing a cake for each person's birthday, to one birthday party a month to celebrate everyone's birthday in that month. It eventually became a food day.
ReplyDeleteChristmas became the worst time of the year for diets. Clients would send the tins of popcorn. Hard to resist the caramel covered popcorn.
I'm proud of you, Pamela! Good job!
Good job on the cupcakes-better than I would do-BUT I think you need to eat more during the day. Your dinner sounds sad. :-( Maybe I am wrong-I will leave to the experts. Also, sorry I didn't make it to the clinic-I have my own issues which involve being seen in public as I look these days. It's really hard to be around people who haven't seen me in awhile...
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ReplyDeleteKristin-
ReplyDeleteMy eating is pretty good these days. I am eating enough. The great thing about working out is that I actually get away with eating more :) I did go easy on dinner, trying to take into account the cupcake!
As for not coming in, don't be dumb. Get your arse in here. I am the last person on earth you need to have such concerns about. I love you. The clinic can help you. Let me show you what we're about.
Ok let's see if this works. Lon was helping me. I am so proud of you Pam. Keep up the positive attitude and you will be rewarded greatly.
ReplyDeleteYay, Teri! SO glad to see you here!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lon. You're the best :)
(Told you he was smert)