Most days I really don't like to work out but today really sucked. Every minute seemed agonizing. I don't know why. Some days are so much worse than others. This blog is going to get pretty tiresome if every day is just a long-winded rant about how much I hate it. Some days working out irritates me. As in, it makes me angry. I don't get it. I just got off the treadmill after an hour and I don't have that "runner's high".
I feel ticked off. Crabby. Maybe it's just PTS. Post treadmill syndrome.
I want to be one of those peppy exercise-loving freaks. I fantasize about the day when I get it. I like it. I crave it. I just don't think it's ever going to happen for me.
I find it frustrating to work so hard at something that I derive little joy from.
I'm eating pasta for dinner again tonight in preparation for tomorrow. Chris has warned me of a pretty tough workout coming. Yippee. Can't wait.
Right now I feel like sedating myself with 3 dozen chocolate chip cookies and a gallon of whole milk.
Don't worry. I won't do it.
I think I'm officially between a rock and a hard place. I can't go back to where I was. I will never weigh 400 pounds or even close to that again. I have proven that much to myself already. The only way I get to move forward is to do things I really dislike doing and by making choices that are difficult for me.
That's it. I quit. I'm sitting down with my arms around my knees (Ok, I would do that if I could actually get my arms around my knees) and putting my head down and bawling my head off. Quitting. Like...a quitter. Like a big crybaby...who quits!
For five minutes.
Then I will get myself up, make pasta for dinner, drink water and get back in the game.
But not until I completely give up for five blissful minutes!
Sweetheart, you're hilarious when you write about how tiresome you are.
ReplyDeleteKeep it up pamela! You can do this, I know you can!!! =-D Andrea Anderson
ReplyDeleteThis process has been very stressful and has taken a few years. I dont think you feel the enjoyment yet because you are doing it to lose weight, and making your goal stresses you out. You are frustrated because the ratio of work to weight loss is like 25:1. you have to remember that since I have known you your biggest challenge in my mind is consistency. You do really good, then you get more frustrated because you want it to go away faster...and then something distracts you and you stop for a while. On again,off again. Your body is confused and wants some consistency to rely on.
ReplyDeleteI know it is hard to maintain this during a stressful week, but this is when you need it the most.
Maybe you need some really kick ass music for working out Pamela. I really do enjoy working out most of the time.. moreso because it's time for JUST me and my music. I suppose maybe you aren't as into music as myself..but if you're interested..I'll give you one of my playlists :)
ReplyDeleteDon't you dare give up Pamela. Not even for 5 minutes. If you give into that it will be too easy to give into more. You can do this. I am sure it is hard even more than hard, but you can do it. When you go to exercise, put yourself in a happy place. Imagine the one place you are the happiest and pretend you are there. And I agree music works for me too. Not that I exercise much, but music always does make me want to move.
ReplyDeleteJust think about the things you want to do with your life, and focus on that.
Love ya
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBVk071N88M
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