Boo! I'm still here.

Another week gone.  Still not off the caffeine, although I've cut back significantly.  I'm not in the groove.  Just not feeling it.  The upcoming holidays seem intimidating to me for the first time in years.

I'm looking forward to the holidays themselves because we have great plans with the kids this year.  Could be the absolute best Christmas ever.  It could also prove to be stressful and full of holiday temptation. 

Lately one of my biggest joys has also become one of my biggest challenges.  We spend lots of weekends on my boyfriend's farm with his family and this almost invariably involves big family sit down meals.  Don't get me wrong.  I mentally thrive in that environment.  When my mother asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I specifically remember telling her, "I want to be a mom."  She looked at me and said, "I know but what else do you want to be?"  I thought, "Why do I have to be anything else?" 

I am completely in my element when I'm in the kitchen listening to the kids in the other room chattering away.  One of my favorite things to hear when they all come in from playing outside is, "What's for supper?" or "When do we eat?".  There isn't anything about big famiy meals together that I don't love except the problem of managing myself around all the food.  I find myself distracted and "tasting" and nibbling and sometimes it really kicks my butt.

Holidays are especially challenging because of all the extra special things being prepared, baked goods and sweets.  They also represent the most likely time of the year for a downward spiral of setbacks to begin.  I really want to avoid that this year.

People have suggested that I just stop doing it.  Nope.  I figure the holidays and family gatherings are a part of life.  They are a part of my life.  I have to find a way to manage it, make better choices and cope with the temptation because to sacrifice those times would be too great of a loss to me.

I'm writing about this topic now because Halloween is just a bit more than a week off.  Candy season begins.  I know many of you reading this will understand me when I say, I'm not buying Halloween candy this year until minutes before I have to pass it out.  Just too great a risk to buy it when all the retailers promote it at dirt cheap sale prices (knowing you will eat all of it before Halloween and have to buy more).

Overall, last week was mediocre.  My head is not in the game.  I'm hoping this week is better.  I'll keep you posted.