Freezer Monsters

Originally published November 2006
Sometimes I like to revisit these articles to remind myself of where my head needs to be.

Learning to eat right and control how and when I do it has been difficult, to say the least. Many times over the past few years I have wished I could quit eating altogether.  It would be easier than trying to manage something that feels, on a good day, like a test and on a bad day, like an addiction.

My demons don't have horns nor do they breathe fire. They are often found in the freezer section of the grocery store, bearing names like "Coffee Heath Bar Crunch" and "Pistachio, Pistachio".  That's right.  My demons are named Ben and Jerry.

There are times when I'm shopping for food that I feel weak.  Around every corner is temptation and for some reason my cart full of produce, lean dairy and whole grains doesn't seem to quite captivate me in the same way that all things smooth, sweet, rich, creamy, salty, chewy and crisp do.   Most of the time I'm able to get out of the place only breaking into a moderate sweat as I pay for my nutritious items and bolt for the parking lot.  Usually, there isn't much reason to venture into the chip aisle or the frozen food section, so I can often avoid the whole scene.

Then there are days when I am utterly helpless.  I could no sooner avoid going into the ice cream trenches than I could avoid my next breath.  I find myself staring down the neatly stacked pints of premium frozen treats and going over all the points of justification in my head about how this isn't the worst thing I could do, it's just one indulgence, I can recover from this little fall. 

When all the self-defeating voices have chimed in with their convenient and compelling arguments, I arrive at the place I know I need to be.  The voice in my head that asks, "Will this choice get you where you want to be or will it keep you where you are?"  I have literally broken down in tears, staring down ice cream sandwiches.  What a tight grip they still have on my emotional comfort.  Walking away from them when I'm in need of that crutch feels so bad, yet it's the only thing I can do to move forward.

I've come too far now to let ice cream win.  I know my days of standing in the freezer section, carefully working my way out of that trap, are not over.  It's been a love-hate relationship from the start but it's time I put this particular comfort food in its place.


This is what I continue to work toward.  My Zen ice cream place. On a good day, I see it. On a bad day, any self-respecting Dreamsicle could kick my ass.